There’s something I’d like to say that I’ve been very uncomfortable coming right out and admitting. Frankly, it’s because I wasn’t sure it was true, and even if it was true, whether it was severe enough to justify mentioning. There have been some incidents recently, however, that have convinced me entirely. So, I’ll get right to it.
I have Asperger’s syndrome.
I’m not afraid of any sort of social ramifications of this news getting out. In fact, I think it’ll help people understand why I do what I do, and why I may seem “inept” and “out of it” most of the time. While I’m not your withdrawn Rain-Man-esque autistic savant, I’m also not your typical effervescent socialite.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy conversation; it’s just that there’s too much to deal with. In addition to the usual thinking about the topic in question, I also have to consciously track many variables that “neurotypicals” (those without AS) can manage subconsciously. Most of these are issues of protocol: “How do I let them know I want to say something without interrupting? Am I speaking too loudly? How much eye contact do I make? Should I speak faster or slower? Are they getting bored? Have I hogged the conversation? Do they understand what I’m saying?” Most people can read subtle nonverbal cues to answer these. I can’t.
This is where text-based communications come into play. Unlike conversations in person, when I’m talking via a text-based service such as IRC or an instant messenger, I can focus on what’s being said instead of spending all of my effort merely keeping up a façade of normality.
Debra Smoot of Deb-web said in a recent entry:
That’s how technology is my friends. I think it’s sad that we’re so connected by the internet sometimes. Instead of improving communications, I really think that it decreases communications much of the time. People will sit on their lazy asses all night and avoid social situations so that they can just sit on their computers all night and meaninglessly talk to people that don’t matter.
I must beg to differ. While many people will, in fact, sit on their lazy asses, it’s unfair to imply that almost everyone who communicates in real time via the Internet falls into this category. Many of us use the Internet because the real world is too harsh and unforgiving.
What’s more, the people I talk to do matter, much more than almost anyone I’ve ever met. I spend most of my nights talking in an autism discussion channel, both learning about my condition and helping others who are either going through it themselves or watching their loved ones deal with it. There are people in those channels that I absolutely adore; I’m as close to them as I am to my own family. What’s more, I’ve even fallen in love with someone there. I don’t yet know whether it is an unrequited love but the fact still remains.
I fail to understand how it’s possible to claim, while keeping a straight face, that the people we befriend because we share common experiences in life are somehow less important than the ones we befriend because of accidents of geography. Simply living near someone doesn’t make them any more important or make them matter any more. Inversely, simply because someone is not physically near to you doesn’t mean they can’t be close to you emotionally. For example, I live in Florida, and my love interest lives in New Zealand. Two of my very closest friends are currently engaged after meeting and falling in love from discussions on this support channel; he ended up moving hundreds of miles to live with her.
The primary problem with Ms. Smoot’s article, in my not-so-humble judgement, is that she seems to equate every form of text-based real time communication with the “OMFGWTFBBQ rofl0lz0rz lolololololol wtf n00b” style of idiocy practiced mostly by pre-adolescents. Many of us have grown up already. It’s time to recognize this fact and embrace Internet conversation for what it is, and what it can be.
(Copied from my personal blog.)
